[September...at the latest. So there's some time... but not a whole lot. 6 months got a way of flying by. ]
Damn...
[THe confession of him not knowing does make him snap back to reality a little- he scoffs]
Wait you're asking me of all people how to break news to folks? A turkey needed to tell my family I was dead. And I haven't even broached the Angel Toxi....
[He trails off. Enough about him]
I don't know... maybe just do it bluntly. You're the one whose dying, so why do you have to be the delicate one?
And aren't a bunch of them looking for something to cure Meow meow? Maybe they can find something for you too.
No, I didn't mean- [He dragged a hand down his face, letting out a ragged breath.] Zelos, you are one of my closest friends, but asking you how to be open and honest would be like asking Rio how to speak fluent Shuriman.
[At least he still had his sense of humor, dry and exhausted as it was. Whatever Zelos had been about to say, Viktor didn't question it...because of exactly that point. If he wanted people to know, he'd say it. (Loudly.) The rest wasn't for anyone else to pry into.]
I don't...want to distract them. I know that may not make sense, but Harumasa's condition and mine are not the same. What could cure him may not even work for me, and the reverse could easily also be true--I would rather focus on helping him and let the result be what it is, instead of dividing our attention and risk helping neither of us in the process.
Ouch, but fair. But I'm doing it for your own good Viktor! If you knew the truth about me, then the shock of it might shave another month off your life! Some truths are better left unknown!
[Dramatic, but... honestly might be true in Zelos's case. ]
Anyway, that's a really stupid and bullshit reason. It's not like those folks are working 24/7 to focus on Meow Meow's case- I'm sure they can divide up the work just fine.
Plus- say they do manage to cure the guy. How do you think he's gonna feel when he finds out you died because you didn't want to "distract people for his sake"? He won't feel good about it, I can tell you that much.
Which is why I am not asking, Zelos. If there is something you do not want to tell me, then it isn't my place to press the matter.
[There really was no good option here, as far as Viktor was concerned. He'd rather have died on the spot than admit to everyone like Harumasa had--he didn't have that kind of nerve by any means. But Zelos was right; it was wrong to keep this to himself.]
...You're right, I know. I can't just not tell them, but...I do not know how, and I do not even know how to accept that kind of attention. Stupid as that may sound, I just...can't stand the idea of being looked at like some fragile, pitiable thing. And obviously I realize, on a logical level, it is not nearly so simple as that--but convincing myself of that is not as straightforward as it should be.
Oh, I know. It's one of the things I like about you! You're not looking to solve me.
[Viktor doesn't get Zelos, but he doesn't try to solve him or change him to make him more understandable. He just...accepts him for what he is. It's refreshing in a way]
Ahhh, so that's the reason. Well, I think I know a way round that. If someone's looking at you like you're a charity case or something to be pitied... be an asshole to them, or hit them with your cane.
Tends to get those looks to go away real quick.
[.... Well, that solves the mystery to why Zelos has so few friends. The assholery is frequently on purpose]
Do you really think I'm capable of that, Zelos? Because that is a little bit hurtful. Even if I hate the way someone is trying to express compassion, I'm not going to hit them for it.
[He was, at times, a couple steps short of a pushover. Viktor shook his head, visibly resigning himself to actually being honest; because he could trust Zelos with that if no one else.]
...Even after all this time, I am not used to this. People caring about what happens to me, to the degree I know that they would if they found out--the mere idea of it is already overwhelming.
Hey, it's just a suggestion! It's probably something I'd do, so-
[Again, this is perhaps why Zelos has so few friends.]
... It's a weird feeling, right? People giving a shit, and not because they can get something out of it. But I'm not surprised it happened to you- you tend to be pretty nice to folks.
[janna bless you for being aggressively yourself, zelos]
Even so...there really is no good way to say this, but I have never gotten used to my life having value to people. Least of all on a scale like this...it's a little frightening.
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no subject
Damn...
[THe confession of him not knowing does make him snap back to reality a little- he scoffs]
Wait you're asking me of all people how to break news to folks? A turkey needed to tell my family I was dead. And I haven't even broached the Angel Toxi....
[He trails off. Enough about him]
I don't know... maybe just do it bluntly. You're the one whose dying, so why do you have to be the delicate one?
And aren't a bunch of them looking for something to cure Meow meow? Maybe they can find something for you too.
no subject
[At least he still had his sense of humor, dry and exhausted as it was. Whatever Zelos had been about to say, Viktor didn't question it...because of exactly that point. If he wanted people to know, he'd say it. (Loudly.) The rest wasn't for anyone else to pry into.]
I don't...want to distract them. I know that may not make sense, but Harumasa's condition and mine are not the same. What could cure him may not even work for me, and the reverse could easily also be true--I would rather focus on helping him and let the result be what it is, instead of dividing our attention and risk helping neither of us in the process.
no subject
Ouch, but fair. But I'm doing it for your own good Viktor! If you knew the truth about me, then the shock of it might shave another month off your life! Some truths are better left unknown!
[Dramatic, but... honestly might be true in Zelos's case. ]
Anyway, that's a really stupid and bullshit reason. It's not like those folks are working 24/7 to focus on Meow Meow's case- I'm sure they can divide up the work just fine.
Plus- say they do manage to cure the guy. How do you think he's gonna feel when he finds out you died because you didn't want to "distract people for his sake"? He won't feel good about it, I can tell you that much.
no subject
[There really was no good option here, as far as Viktor was concerned. He'd rather have died on the spot than admit to everyone like Harumasa had--he didn't have that kind of nerve by any means. But Zelos was right; it was wrong to keep this to himself.]
...You're right, I know. I can't just not tell them, but...I do not know how, and I do not even know how to accept that kind of attention. Stupid as that may sound, I just...can't stand the idea of being looked at like some fragile, pitiable thing. And obviously I realize, on a logical level, it is not nearly so simple as that--but convincing myself of that is not as straightforward as it should be.
no subject
[Viktor doesn't get Zelos, but he doesn't try to solve him or change him to make him more understandable. He just...accepts him for what he is. It's refreshing in a way]
Ahhh, so that's the reason. Well, I think I know a way round that. If someone's looking at you like you're a charity case or something to be pitied... be an asshole to them, or hit them with your cane.
Tends to get those looks to go away real quick.
[.... Well, that solves the mystery to why Zelos has so few friends. The assholery is frequently on purpose]
no subject
[He was, at times, a couple steps short of a pushover. Viktor shook his head, visibly resigning himself to actually being honest; because he could trust Zelos with that if no one else.]
...Even after all this time, I am not used to this. People caring about what happens to me, to the degree I know that they would if they found out--the mere idea of it is already overwhelming.
no subject
[Again, this is perhaps why Zelos has so few friends.]
... It's a weird feeling, right? People giving a shit, and not because they can get something out of it. But I'm not surprised it happened to you- you tend to be pretty nice to folks.
no subject
Even so...there really is no good way to say this, but I have never gotten used to my life having value to people. Least of all on a scale like this...it's a little frightening.