...Hm. I thought you were quiet. [Okay, the truth was, he thought the guy was steering clear because Kaneis had said too much, or because he freaked him out. But.]
[ he makes a surprised sound, and then just... falls quiet. ]
That's why. You know what I did, I told you. ... I don't know how much they're playing with us, but what if they ended up using us to hurt each other? I don't want that.
riku just falls silent. maybe he shouldn't have told him after all? but he didn't want to lie, and approaching kaneis like nothing had even happened felt like a lie. he wasn't planning on leaving kaneis alone--he'd kept his tabs on him, making sure he and lloyd and anyone else he was around were okay. especially after that wing debacle. yet, everything he wants to say just seems like an excuse.
intention didn't really matter, did it? ugh, no matter how much he tried to do right, he still messed up. how was he supposed to be a master when he couldn't even do something like this right? ]
I was afraid of hurting you somehow, especially after you trusted me. But, I guess I did that anyway... I'm sorry. I don't expect forgiveness, okay? [ that comes out quiet and tired. ] I just wanted to tell you, because I figured out how dumb I was.
[There's a pause on his end. Admittedly, he had bitten a bit harder than normal- partly because well, it reminded him of his own crap he pulled. He was always harsher when things reminded him of himself.]
[But. The harshness fades as Riku apologizes.]
...I'm a grown man, Riku. I don't need to be coddled or protected from harm. I can decide for myself what risks are worth taking and what aren't.
[...]
You're worth it. You're only dumb because you don't seem to ever get that.
[ 'just because you're old doesn't mean you can't be in danger', he almost starts, but he's quiet as he speaks. ]
I was j... [ and then, there's that slack-jawed surprise. worth it? ]
I, uh... [ worth it? does kaneis even know what he's saying? he sounds a little short of breath, and then he makes a questioning sound, like he doesn't quite understand. no, he's never been worth anything, he certainly isn't going to magically start now...
but he can't just say that kaneis is wrong. that's how kaneis feels. and like he told hiro, you have to take the good and the bad. ]
but what'll that accomplish? if he believes it... what if he just makes another mistake? what if he causes another disaster, can he still say that he's 'worth it'? ]
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text; 3/20
voice; 3/20
Riku. What's up?
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I, uh... [ how can he even talk about this...? what if he's being too self-important and kaneis didn't even notice?
does it matter if he did or didn't? riku did it. that's the important thing. he frowns before he just sighs. ]
I've been avoiding you for a while. I--I'm sorry.
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...Hm. I thought you were quiet. [Okay, the truth was, he thought the guy was steering clear because Kaneis had said too much, or because he freaked him out. But.]
Everything alright?
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Y-yeah... it's--not important. Sorry, I didn't... [ he sighs, defeated. ] I didn't wanna bother you like this.
I just thought you'd... be... safer, or--better off, without me around.
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You idiot. [There's no anger to his words, or malice.]
Why in the world would I be better off without you around? We're friends.
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That's why. You know what I did, I told you. ... I don't know how much they're playing with us, but what if they ended up using us to hurt each other? I don't want that.
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[He can't see it, but he's scowling on his end]
That's bullshit and you know it. You were just afraid. So you decided to cut and run.
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riku just falls silent. maybe he shouldn't have told him after all? but he didn't want to lie, and approaching kaneis like nothing had even happened felt like a lie. he wasn't planning on leaving kaneis alone--he'd kept his tabs on him, making sure he and lloyd and anyone else he was around were okay. especially after that wing debacle. yet, everything he wants to say just seems like an excuse.
intention didn't really matter, did it? ugh, no matter how much he tried to do right, he still messed up. how was he supposed to be a master when he couldn't even do something like this right? ]
I was afraid of hurting you somehow, especially after you trusted me. But, I guess I did that anyway... I'm sorry. I don't expect forgiveness, okay? [ that comes out quiet and tired. ] I just wanted to tell you, because I figured out how dumb I was.
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[But. The harshness fades as Riku apologizes.]
...I'm a grown man, Riku. I don't need to be coddled or protected from harm. I can decide for myself what risks are worth taking and what aren't.
[...]
You're worth it. You're only dumb because you don't seem to ever get that.
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I was j... [ and then, there's that slack-jawed surprise. worth it? ]
I, uh... [ worth it? does kaneis even know what he's saying? he sounds a little short of breath, and then he makes a questioning sound, like he doesn't quite understand. no, he's never been worth anything, he certainly isn't going to magically start now...
but he can't just say that kaneis is wrong. that's how kaneis feels. and like he told hiro, you have to take the good and the bad. ]
O... okay.
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[SIGH PRINCESS.]
How about try - "You're right. Maybe I am worth it."
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I... but I don't... [ it's hard to finish a sentence here. he finally just exhales. ] Y-you're right. Maybe I'm... [ worth it???
UGH. NO. BUT HE'S NOT. ] Ugh. MaybeI'mworthit.
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[goddess you're a total failure at even faking confidence.]
But you said it! Now every morning, I want you to repeat it in front of a mirror.
Every morning.
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Wh--no way! What's that gonna help?
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Because maybe if you repeat it enough times, you'll start to believe it yourself.
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but what'll that accomplish? if he believes it... what if he just makes another mistake? what if he causes another disaster, can he still say that he's 'worth it'? ]
I can't promise I will.
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Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Can't hurt to try.
Not to mention, I'd say it's better than us calling you every morning to say how worth it you are, hm~?
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It'd be easy to talk Lloyd and Sora into it, for sure. Lloyd gives some pretty great pep talks.
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[ it's a tiiiiny bit terse, but far more hurt. ]
Leave them out of this. Lloyd... [ a sigh. ] He's your friend, not mine.
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[da fuq boy]
Lloyd is capable of having more than one friend, you know. And he seems pretty fond of you.
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It's happened before. I'm used to it now. He was asleep for a year once.
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Okay, I know it's been awhile since I've been fully human so I'm a bit rusty on what they need, but-
That can't be healthy.
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[ a tired sigh. ]
I've been keeping watch. [ like he always does... ] He's okay.
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